I am the Great Avocado. I have chosen to give my writings of wisdom to the webmaster and minister of my church, Pope Dan. If you feel the need to comment on my writings, email to him. The charter members of my Church, the Great Chosen Ones, are Dan, Katherine, and Brooke. Without their help, I would be just another fruit. But they knew that i had a message and that they could learn from me, and so they prayed to me. They cried,

"Oh, great avocado, tell us of your ways."

And I did. I gave them my Ten Tenets as follows:

1.)Thou shalt not eat food from Terrace Court, especially if it contains your Avocado Bretheren.

2.)Thou shalt not eat guacamole. Eating of guacamole is the only unforgivable sin.

3.)Thou shalt make pilgrimages to the Holy Land, Royal Farms, at every oppurtunity. Thou needest not buy, only go, but when thou hast the money, thou shalt buyest 6-packs of Josta and subs for the Feast.

4.)Thou shalt celebratest the Feast of Liberation with much Josta and many subs purchased from the Holy Land. The Feast of Liberation shall be celebrated on August 9, no later than 3 P.M.

5.)Thou shalt doest what thou damn well pleaseth. I, the Great Avocado in the Sky, shall not stop you, as long as it shall not be in violation of these rules.

6.)Thou shalt not make lists of ten rules when thou hast only six rules to give.

The Book of Dan

Return to the Church of the Avocado

The holy drink of the Feast of Liberation.